Time for Letting Go

One of my favorite songs includes the lyrics:

I know it’s time for letting go
We can’t hide what we both know
But ooh, the hurt grows
Every time I think it’s over
It’s time to realize
That we’re both just living lies
And way down deep inside
The time is telling me it’s time for letting go

I initiated my divorce from my ex-wife – I chose to leave our home and our children and start anew. It wasn’t really planned – I had nowhere to stay on the day that I left, I just knew that I needed to break it off with her, for my health and ultimately, for the sake of our children.

I stayed in a loveless marriage for way too long because of ‘the children.’ Those two words became a catchall phrase for my ex-wife to justify anything related to our sad existence. It’s almost comical to think that we were modeling anything close to a healthy marriage – we were not an affectionate couple for at least 10-12 years and every month we spent all of the money that we had earned – buying things that we almost certainly didn’t need.. Constant financial mismanagement is not adulting, plus in many ways we were demonstrating all of the wrong ways to be a good partner and treat your other partner with respect and love.

When I left I knew I would be the ‘villain’ – I broke up the marriage, I upset our life. It’s been over ten years and I still wear that label with my children. I have resigned that my children will never see our separation as an act of love. I did this FOR them, it was not something that was AGAINST them. It’s easy to paint my divorce and coming out as a selfish endeavor. I did it to improve my life (Spoiler Alert: it worked!) but importantly, I also did it for my children. I was wrong to stay with their mother for as long as I did. Settling for an unhappy relationship and unfulfilled life is not honorable.

The question I keep coming back to is, “if either of my children were in the same relationship, what would I want them to do?” The answer is so obvious when it’s them – get out, leave that horrible relationship, take care of yourself, find someone who brings out the best in you, create balance in your life and just be happy. I wouldn’t want them to suffer needlessly like I did.

So that’s what I did. My previous life was full of lies and exposing all of those untruths and restarting a simple truth-based life is so much easier and healthier.